I was asked to read and give feedback for 2023 Unknown Armies Halloween Jam entries, which was hosted by mellonbread. This creative writing jam was to create more cool content for Unknown Armies -roleplaying game, which is a game I’ve grown interest with in the past few years. I have no specific rating on the entries, just how I felt about them while keeping the criteria in mind:
Zomner’s Criteria
Runability (is it easy to take this text and use it in a game (preferably in a campaign?)
Freshness (is this something new and never seen before in UA or other rpg form?)
Presentation (can I read this and comprehend it easily?)
Theme usage (see the master document for themes)
Optional: Did it do something extraordinary?
Thank you to all who wrote anything for the contest. I hope you may find some inspiration (or spite) to write more for Unknown Armies.
Four Chimneys
Fun set piece, with some interactions. Details remind me a bit of the poker table scenes in The Sopranos and of course The Last Call. I could see myself using this in a campaign. Good presentation and usage of the theme.
The Greggs and The Graveyard
Zombies meet British fast food. Reminds me of Shaun of the Dead for some reason. Excellent descriptions of characters, though there is a lot going on in the setting to keep up. Cool read, but might be a bit hard to run for me. Theme usage here is good, though I could see the Greggs element being taken out and using this in pretty much any other setting. I think this could be a bit more concise with either the fast food stuff or the cabal’s resurrection attempt, to make it much easier to use, but I still liked it and it evoked a scene for a nice Halloween one-shot.
Darla Jean
Cool idea for GMC. I think this fits well within the Sect lore stuff and it presents a new angle with it. I liked the usage of sexual moves for combat. Points for original pornomancer rituals. Theme usage is only a little bit there, which was a shame. This sort of fun creativity makes it a fun GMC, though as with many Sect stuff, I probably won’t be using it in any campaign.
Alexander Head and the Undercroft
Solitude’s prisoner/warden. Cool idea, personality pretty simple. Easy to use GMC in a campaign. The Psalm presented was neat, didn’t see a similar idea brought with any other entries.
Styx Subway Train (ritual)
Ritual for Otherspace traveling. Could see this being used in a campaign to travel to a specific Otherspace where PCs want to go. Uses the required theme completely fittingly. Feels more urban fantasy than postmodern weirdness, but I still found it enjoyable. Simple ritual to use in any campaign.
Otherspace sickness
Aka Universal Drift. A bit much to keep track of, but a cool idea nonetheless, if using Otherspaces a lot in a campaign. The gameplay elements seem to work out well, but again GM has to keep track of at what stage the character is to make sure the effect keeps consistent enough. Formatting of the document is fine. Kinda cheating with the “starting with u, ending with t” but I’ll allow it. There could be a bit more work around to cure this, but the cause itself is pretty vague already so it works out.
The Secret Saints of the Cecilites
Usable if having Cecilites in a campaign. Feels something that should be with the Order already, but seems like a nice addition. Intercessions were a new thing for me, but I could see using them. The saints were all different enough to be using them in a game. The theme is only a little explored, but it is still used well within the text. I think mentioning in the second seed which saint’s body part it would've added more flavor for it, but I really liked the first suggestion and would run a game around it.
Felix Kaufman, Not a Medium
Simple character with a neat backstory. I could be used by a cabal for mischief or as a therapeutic help to deal with their own traumas, without any Unnatural connection. Simple presentation that works. Is accurate with the theme and definitely feels still like a UA character. Minor nitpick would be that “mimic the dead” is not explained in the document nor is told where to refer to. Could also use a suggestion or two how to use him, but overall I can see the gameplay use of this GMC.
University Street
Outerspace with some use, but it feels a bit specific with not much to play around with. Well detailed for the location, but could use a couple more rumors or hooks for gameplay reason and less on the “what” section instead. Uses the “starts with u, ends with t” theme very well, but also picking “subway” felt a bit detached. It could’ve just been a different way to get in, but that just how I feel. The three urbanomancers are neat and can be easily used to provide conflict in a campaign, which I do enjoy. Overall, good detail, but could use something to make the place feel more special (especially someone who barely knows anything about Seattle).
The Cleaners (scenario)
Without pregens, it makes it hard to run, but I know that is due to the word length. Other than that I like the horror atmosphere and I like the details that bring this adventure not just as a “kill the wizard” -type thing. I do like the take on the Japanese workforce with this, something I’ve not read about before. Text is very well formatted and keeps itself well detailed enough to make it easy to read and quickly to understand. Theme of the subway could be better exploited, but overall the non-American UA setting is a well done theme here. Mostly I’m impressed with keeping such a good game structure in such a limited amount of words.
Galatea
While I do have interest in technology used in the postmodern magick world, I feel this didn’t really grab me. The org seems a good setup for cabal to take over or introduce as ponies getting over their heads, but for running this in a game, I wish there was something more that hooked me in. The GMCs could have one or two details to make them stand out more and I feel like there could be an angle of utilizing the texts for a better goal. To expose the true nature of magick? To maybe discover a new way to translate languages to make more money? The overall structure of the document is good and very easy to read and the themes were used properly. Overall, it is written well, but needs a bit more of that spice to it.
Bartlett and Sprouse, College Thaumaturges
Two GMCs, one who is already dead. The rituals are alright and could be fitted with a college setting cabal, which I find interesting and new, at least for UA. The text was easy to read, maybe too many line breaks, but it was fine for me. The text used the selected theme well. I think the setup for the story behind the rituals were fine, but there wasn’t much to use for gameplay. Slightly more motivation for Sprouse could’ve been used to make it standout more.
Ultraflat
Seems easy to add danger for any UA campaign. Dangerous rooms are not a new thing in UA lore, but I like the two dimensional effect of it. The text was easy to read as well, though maybe markings for the rolls or the Stress Gauge rolls would’ve been good to have. Theme is well done, I like the name and its usage here. Simple yet effective horror set piece that I could see myself using in a game.
CĂBALA DEL REY DEL INVIERNO
I don’t quite get it. It’s a history for a cabal, but also a setup for a scenario, but also a monster description. Maybe a bit less focus on one and more on the others and this would feel much tighter text. Las Lloronas stuff is runnable as is, I feel like, but the other stuff needs more meat to work. I think the history with the refrigerator guy and the brujo is intriguing to me, but not as important for the setup of the scenario nor for the monster. This feels like a neat idea for an already existing folklore creature, so I’d give points for that. The text is presented fine, it was easy to read and the order of it worked. For the theme, I think the inspiration is there and there is the mention of Halloween, but it could’ve been delved a bit more into, if this was a scenario. Overall, I liked the concept, but this could’ve just been the cabal and the creature or the scenario and the creature, in my opinion.
Gert
Short and simple focus on a GMC. I like the short prose in the beginning, though I got confused at first whether the whole text is going to be prose or not. I like helpful GMCs and this has nice coziness to it. Maybe not as weird as most UA GMCs, but an old lady like that feels like home in any game or so I feel. However, I’d detest for themes sake that she is not a mundane GMC, since she is still a dipsomancer. Subway element is used here, but I’d say the magickal effect has to be something that she doesn’t know anything about the magick. The playability is described in the text and she doesn’t need more lore than that, so I’m otherwise fine with this character.
Urizen Shaft
While more focused GMC for a game set in London, this was a really fun read. I could visualize this older guy giving up hooks for UA games or helping them traveling along the Tube’s tunnels. The clear presentation with well formatted sections of the character makes this easy to read and run. Backstory also gave a good, but not too involved backstory. The ritual is also a fun and useful thing that PCs may discover while interacting with him, which I also liked. The text uses all the mentioned themes very well. I’d say this to be used as a clear example of how one should write interesting GMCs for future contests. Marvelous.
Avatar: The Mascot
Intriguing idea. I’m a bit iffy on the too symbolic nature of the mascot outfits as the focus is more of what they represent rather than the person, although now that I think of it that fits a lot of archetypes. As a new type of archetype, I’m willing to pass this thought. Overall, it is formatted as usual avatar description, with good masks and symbols. I think the first three avatar channels are fine and work within, but the last channel I don’t feel the connection with what it represents. I like the idea of being able to affect huge groups of people, but I think Rank 9 Violence is a bit too much. The theme is there with Halloween costumes and mascot costumes, but I’d say dressing during Halloween is a different as people focus on just having fun rather than embodying a certain character (though I’m thinking of Scream movies now how there someone uses a costume to become a continuing series of different serial killers). Overall, liked it.
Bonus submissions
Samuel Pin Bone
Vivid description, from a point of view I never even thought of. Short backstory, with easy to understand motivation makes this a good character GM-wise. I definitely can see this as a specific type of threat to use in a game set in or near Indian reservations. Really liked it.
Uncut Gems (ritual)
Definitely the most unique and gross write-up. Made my skin crawl, so points for that. While presented as a usual UA ritual, except surprisingly no magickal charge, this is more of an interesting detail and plot hook creator, rather than a ritual I’d ever see a PC use in a UA campaign. The themes are well used, though technically it starts with u and ends in s, but that’s being nitpicky. The NPC rumors are fitting for this, except also a bit wild, but hey I got through the main text, so nothing to really top that. Props for keeping the postmodern magick unique.
The Midnight Screening (scenario)
I love fake film writings and this does some work, despite it’s skeletal nature. It presents cool options for the game runner and lets them decide which option is the one that feels right for them. I’d see this as a great schlocky Halloween one-shot (so good usage of the theme right there!) about gathering magickal charges into the ritual chalice with the Jewish gourmeturges and Islamic agrimancers to ruin the event. Another unique scenario by mellonbread, yet using familiar elements from his previous works as well. For an under 1333 word scenario, it definitely evoked a vivid imagery of the crypt set piece and all the crazy characters there to interact with. Most likely ending in a bloodbath, but a very stylized one at that. Four buttery popcorn shakes out of five.
